Category Archives: Facebook Archives

Amanda Goes Home

Amanda: Well, I guess I better head out now. I have to work early tomorrow.

Me: Okay. Thanks for visiting!

Emerson & Selby: Ooo, you’re jingling keys. Keys mean The Car! Are we going somewhere? Let’s go let’s go LETSGO!

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Emerson meets my friend Amanda

Emerson: Someone’s at the door! WOOFWOOF. WOOF.

Me: It’s my friend Amanda. Hi Amanda!

Selby: I remember Amanda! I like you Amanda! I WANT TO JUMP UP AND LICK YOUR FACE! But I’m not supposed to… Continue reading →

Permission: The cat’s poison

Me: *still wearing my coat after coming home from work* Hello, Sir Oliver! Good to see you.

Sir Oliver: Yes yes, hello etc. You humans always have to waste time with pleasantries don’t you?

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Sir Oliver’s needs are non-negotiable

Me: *watching The Muppet Show with the kids.*

Sir Oliver: =o.o=

Me: Can I help you with something?

Sir Oliver: Your sweater.

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The de-evolution of motivation

Me: Okay self, we have lots to do tonight. Laundry to wash, sort, and put away. Gifts to wrap. Kids to keep on task.

Myself: But I don’t want to do those things. I want to go to bed.

Bed: Yes, come to me. I am warm and cozy.

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Canine Revelations

Emerson: What are you doing to your head Mama?

Me: I’m styling my hair.

Selby: That’s weird. You almost never do that. And… is that a dress you’re wearing?

Me: Sort of; it’s more like a really long shirt. My work is having a Christmas party tonight so I want to look extra nice.

Emerson: You’re not going to…um… put on makeup are you?

Me: No, I don’t even own any makeup. Except lipstick I guess. Why?

Selby: So sayeth Canine revelations: “Verily I say unto you, when Mama does fancy things to her hair, and wears a dress, and paints makeup on her face, so shall be foretold the coming apocalypse.”

Emerson: So as long as you don’t put on makeup we should all be safe.

**Original post from December 13,2011

Pick on someone your own size

Lord Dormir: What are you doing on my bed, Emerson?

Emerson: It’s not your bed, it’s Mama’s bed. I’m up here because she feels icky and wanted to cuddle with me and Selby.

Lord Dormir: Don’t be ridiculous. Everything in this house is mine. *headbutt* Take that!

Emerson: Seriously, a head butt?

Lord Dormir: Yes. *headbutt*

Emerson: Really, cat, you do not want to go there.

Lord Dormir: Maybe I do. *headbutt*

Emerson: You asked for it. *NOSE-PUSH*

Lord Dormir: *backwards flip* Woah.

Emerson: Just be glad I didn’t use a headbutt. My head is bigger than you.

Lord Dormir: I suddenly need to leave the room on an urgent errand. This has nothing to do with you or your nose.

Emerson: Riiiiiiight.

**Original post from December 4, 2011

Puparazzi

Selby and Emerson: *spoon*

Me: Awww… *takes picture*

Emerson: Seriously Mama, do you HAVE to take our picture every time we cuddle? You’re like one of those puparazzi who take pictures of famous people all the time.

Me: I think you mean paparazzi.

Emerson: Whatever. Just calm down with the pictures already.

**Original post from December 1, 2011

Making up for lost time

Me: Ahhh it’s nice to be home in my own bed with all my furry friends in the same house.

Lord Dormir: Is it bedtime? Good. *pawpawpawpawpawpawpawpawpawpawpaw*

Me: Um, how long are going to do that? My belly is starting to get a little sore from the kneading.

Lord Dormir: You should’ve thought about that before you went to visit your family for 6 days. This belly hasn’t been properly kneaded in almost a week; obviously it is going to take a long time to get it back into shape. *pawpawpawpawpawpawpawpawpaw*

Me: Well, at least you don’t have claws.

Lord Dormir: You don’t have to tell ME that! It would be much faster if I did. *pawpawpawpawpawpawpaw*

Me: Er, and more painful as well.

Lord Dormir: Exactly. *pawpawpawpawpawpawpawpawpaw*

**Original post from November 29, 2011

Guilt trips travel faster than the speed of light

Me: Ian’s teaching backgammon to Stephen & our nephew. Another niece & nephew are playing Wii. This is the perfect time to spend reading & cuddling with my dogs and cats. Right guys?

Emerson: *no reply*

Selby: *no reply*

Sir Oliver: *no reply*

Me: Oh that’s right, you’re at home with my friend and I’m in Owatonna. *sad face*

Lord Dormir: Serves you right for going on vacation without us.

Me: How are you doing that? You’re hundreds of miles away.

Lord Dormir: No distance is too far for a guilt trip to travel.

Me: *Sigh*

**Original post from November 26, 2011

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