Monthly Archives: November, 2012

In which Emerson promises to dress like a reindeer

Me: Hey Emerson, are you ready for tomorrow?

Emerson: I don’t know. What’s tomorrow? Do I have to take a bath? If so, then NO I am not ready.

Me: No bath, I promise. Tomorrow is the Jingle Bell run/walk for Arthritis. We’re walking a 5K to help raise money for the Arthritis Foundation. I bought this reindeer hat and jingle bell collar for you to wear tomorrow.[*picture below]

Emerson: That is a very silly hat. I am not wearing that in public.

Me: Yes it is silly, but that’s part of the fun! This is a very important cause for me because several of my loved ones have arthritis. Our goal is to raise $150 towards our team’s fund.

Emerson: That’s a lot of money!

Me: It’s a lot of money for one person, but if everyone I know contributes a few dollars, then we can raise that money in no time! All they have to do is click on this link, then click on the “General team donation” link, then follow the instructions on the screen to donate.

Emerson: That doesn’t sound too hard, as long as they have opposable thumbs. And a bank account. With money in it. I don’t have any of those things so I can’t donate money. But if we can raise $150, then I will let you post a picture of me wearing that silly reindeer hat.

Me: It’s a deal!

**If you want to see Emerson wearing this hat, please click on the picture to donate to my team. Be sure to use the “General Team donation” link so Emerson knows when we reach our goal!

I'm sorry that you can't see this picture. Just trust me that it is a very silly hat.

It was between this and a Santa hat with a beard, but since Emerson is already roughly the size of a small reindeer, I decided this was the obvious choice.

30 Candles

Me: OMG Emerson I almost forgot, it’s your birthday today! I’m so sorry!

Emerson: I can’t believe you forgot my 30th birthday.

Me: You’re only three.

Emerson: Mama, every human year is like 10 years for a big dog like me.

Me: I suppose that’s somewhat true. But at least I remembered before the day was over.

Emerson: Not until after I went to sleep. It’s just like that movie One Hundred and Sixty Candles.

Me: I don’t know that movie.

Emerson: Sure you do! That one where everyone forgets the red-haired girl’s birthday because her sister’s getting married, and her Papa finally remembers but not until after she goes to bed. You’ve watched it millions of times.

Me: Oh, you mean Sixteen Candles!

Emerson: And at the end of the movie she gets a cake.

Me: You’re not getting a cake.

Emerson: You can’t just rewrite the ending Mama. One Hundred and Sixty Candles is a classic.

Me: Think of it as a reboot. All the classics are getting one these days. At least your best friend’s little brother didn’t pay a dollar to see your underpants at the dance last night.

Lord Dormir: Innocent until proven guilty (cartoon)

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Emerson is a little bit codependent

Emerson: Mama, you are wearing a swishy shirt. Swishy shirts mean The Dog Bath Place.

Me: Yes, Emerson. I work at the groomer’s later today.

Emerson: I hope you are not planning to sneak out without me like you did on Saturday.

Me: No, I will be bringing you to the groomer’s with me when I go.

Emerson: Good. Hey, where are you going?

Me: The bathroom.

Emerson: Don’t go without me!

Me: I do not require your assistance in the bathroom. You can wait in the kitchen.

Emerson: Okay but I will sit right by the door so you don’t sneak out without me knowing.

*later in the bedroom*

Daughter: Hi Emerson!

Emerson: WAIT! If you pet me now and Mama decides to leave, I might miss it. Let me move  closer to Mama first. *moves 3 inches closer* Okay, now you can pet me.

*later in the living room*

Emerson: OMG you moved. Are you leaving? Don’t leave without me!

Me: I am not going anywhere. I am just adjusting myself into a more comfortable reading position.

Emerson: PHWEW! That was a close one!

Me: This is just ridiculous. Next time I’m not going to put on my grooming shirt until it’s time to go to work.

Emerson: Did you say “work”? OMG DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!!!!

Me: *facepalm*

Lord Dormir, party crasher

Lord Dormir: What are all those boys doing in the living room?
Me: Son and his friends are having a video game sleepover party.
Lord Dormir: Hello everyone.
Son’s friend: Oooh hi kitty! *pets cat* OH NO! You distracted me and made me lose!
Lord Dormir: My work here is done. *leaves*

Feline renovations

Me: Lord Dormir, must you insist on peeing outside the litterbox?
Lord Dormir: Well, sometimes the boxes are not clean. Would you want to use a toilet that hadn’t been flushed?
Me: Good point. But even when the boxes are clean, you still go outside the box.
Lord Dormir: Sometimes the box is not in the right place.
Me: How am I supposed to know where you expect the box to be?
Lord Dormir: I tell you where it should go, by peeing in that spot until you put a box there. Seriously Kari, try to keep up. I thought you were supposed to be smart. Didn’t you go to college?
Me: I graduated Magna cum Laude, thank you very much.
Lord Dormir: Clearly not in Interior Decorating, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

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