Me: Okay Rainier, it’s time for your bath.
Rainier (a large Newfoundland): Yeah, about that. I’d really prefer not to have a bath.
Me: I’m sorry to hear that. However, you are very dirty and frankly, you smell terrible. Your people have asked me to bathe you so that’s what I’m going to do.
Rainier: Hmm. Well, I’m going to turn away from you and shake water all over you and slobber on you until you stop.
Me: You go ahead and do that if it makes you feel better, but it won’t work.
*2 1/2 hours later*
Me: Okay, we’re all done!
Rainier: I don’t understand. I used all my best tricks on you and you still managed to wash me and get me dry. How is that possible?
Me: My ancestors were primarily Norwegian, German, and Scottish; I am possibly the most stubborn human you will ever meet. Your ancestors were primarily Canadian, and Canadians are generally understood to be polite and accomodating.
Rainier: I never stood a chance, did I?
Me: No. No you did not.