Selby: Mama! MAMA! MAMAMAMAMAMAMA!
Selby: It’s time for breakfast.
Me: No it’s not. It’s only 6 am.
Selby: My internal clock says it’s 7 am.
Me: We set the clocks back an hour last night.
Selby: That’s stupid. Why would you do that?
Me: It’s called daylight savings time.
Selby: You’re just making that up so you don’t have to get out of bed.
Me: I wish! If it worked like that, I would have daylight savings every day.
**Original post from November 6, 2011
Me: I’m home!
Me: Go outside?
Dogs: Yes please!
*30 seconds later*
Selby: OMG MAMA COME SEE Sandy Claws came early and he left me THE BIGGEST STICK IN THE WORLD! And it has EVEN MORE STICKS growing out of it.
Me: Yep, looks like the branch finally broke off that dead tree in the storm last night.
Selby: I am so excited I would pee in my pants if I hadn’t just peed in the yard already and if I wore pants. Which I don’t.
**Original post from November 4, 2011
Ian: Let’s all sit down and watch a movie.
Lord Dormir: Great idea. I will jump up on the couch and sit on your lap. *thunk* Ouch.
Ian: What the…
Lord Dormir: Who put that drum kit there?
Ian: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Did you just hit your head on the Rock Band drum kit when you tried to jump on the couch?
Lord Dormir: On second thought, I don’t really need to sit on your lap after all.
Lord Dormir: Let’s never speak of this again.
Me: Hi pups! Time for lunch. Sit.
Me: *dishes up food* Good dogs. *washes hands* *wanders around kitchen while leftovers microwave*
Emerson: Um. Mama?
Me: Why aren’t you eating lunch?
Selby: Yeah, about that.
Selby: You left our food dishes on the counter.
Emerson: It’s okay Mama. We still love you!
Selby: Speak for yourself.
**Original post from November 4, 2011
Emerson: Mama, may I sleep on the bed until Papa comes home?
Me: I don’t mind, but I don’t know if there’s room. Selby is taking up almost the whole bed except for this tiny sliver of mattress which is just about big enough for the cat.
Emerson: I think I can make it. *defies laws of physics*
Me: Wow, I didn’t even know you could touch all four feet to your nose at the same time.
Emerson: Me neither.
Me: Is that even comfortable?
Me: I guess that’s a yes.
Me: Time to do some laundry. Oh, hello Sir Oliver.
Sir Oliver: EXCUSE ME, but I am trying to use the litter box in here.
Me: Well, I’m doing laundry. That is the purpose of the room you know.
Sir Oliver: That’s irrelevant. I don’t barge into the bathroom while you’re peeing and start talking to you, do I?
Me: Yes you do. Quite often actually. In fact, you just did that to me yesterday.
Sir Oliver: Well, that’s not the point.
Me: And what is the point exactly?
Sir Oliver: If you don’t know the answer to that question, then I’m not going to tell you. Now kindly get out of my way because I am late for an appointment with the window sill.
Ada: Mom! Let me back inside please!
Ada’s Mom: Okay. *opens door*
Ada: I have a gift for you! Look, it’s perfect!
Ada’s Mom: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! It’s a dead squirrel!!
Ada: I know, isn’t it fabulous? It’s even better than a live one because it’s SMELLY! I couldn’t believe my luck when I found it! Here you go Mom!
Ada’s Mom: Gross! I don’t want that!
Ada: But you always say it’s the thought that counts on Mother’s Day…
Ada’s Mom: Well it’s not Mother’s Day yet. That’s on Sunday.
Ada: Oh now I see. Maybe I can find a dead bird to go with it on Sunday then.
Selby: Hi Mama! Welcome home!
Me: What are you doing outside? I left you in the house when I went out.
Selby: I wanted to go out so I let myself outside.
Me: And looks like you let the cats out too. You guys know you’re not supposed to go outside.
Lord Dormir: We couldn’t possibly be outside we were in the kitchen just a moment ago.
Me: Look around. You are definitely outside on the porch.
Lord Dormir: Well what do you know? We ARE outside.
Sir Oliver: OMG HOW DID WE GET OUTSIDE?! *scratches at door* Why won’t this door open? *scratchscratchscratch*
Lord Dormir: It must have been a spontaneous transportation event. We couldn’t have done it ourselves.
Sir Oliver: *scratchscratchscratch*
Lord Dormir: Try pushing with both front feet at the same time, like this *PUSH*
Me: You look like you’ve practiced that a lot.
Lord Dormir: I am an educated cat.
Me: Time for me to go back to work. Selby, Emerson, into your kennels!
Emerson: Okay Mama. *galumphgalumphwhump*
Me: What’s wrong Selby?
Selby: Someone has been sleeping in my bed, and he’s still in it!
Lord Dormir: What? It’s not like you were using it.
Selby: That’s beside the point. You can sleep anywhere but I only have one kennel. If you don’t get out of my bed I’m coming in there with you.
Lord Dormir: I was just about to get up anyway.
Me: You are so weird.