Monthly Archives: May, 2012

Dogs don’t believe in Daylight Savings Time

Selby: Mama.

Me: *snore*

Selby: Mama?

Me: *snore*

Selby: Mama! MAMA! MAMAMAMAMAMAMA!

Me: WHAT?!

Selby: It’s time for breakfast.

Me: No it’s not. It’s only 6 am.

Selby: My internal clock says it’s 7 am.

Me: We set the clocks back an hour last night.

Selby: That’s stupid. Why would you do that?

Me: It’s called daylight savings time.

Selby: You’re just making that up so you don’t have to get out of bed.

Me: I wish! If it worked like that, I would have daylight savings every day.

**Original post from November 6, 2011

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Selby’s Early Christmas present

Me: I’m home!

Dogs: Yay!

Me: Go outside?

Dogs: Yes please!

*30 seconds later*

Selby: OMG MAMA COME SEE Sandy Claws came early and he left me THE BIGGEST STICK IN THE WORLD! And it has EVEN MORE STICKS growing out of it.

Me: Yep, looks like the branch finally broke off that dead tree in the storm last night.

Selby: I am so excited I would pee in my pants if I hadn’t just peed in the yard already and if I wore pants. Which I don’t.

**Original post from November 4, 2011

I meant to do that

Ian: Let’s all sit down and watch a movie.
Lord Dormir: Great idea. I will jump up on the couch and sit on your lap. *thunk* Ouch.
Ian: What the…
Lord Dormir: Who put that drum kit there?
Ian: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Did you just hit your head on the Rock Band drum kit when you tried to jump on the couch?
Lord Dormir: On second thought, I don’t really need to sit on your lap after all.
Ian: Okay.
Lord Dormir: Let’s never speak of this again.

Sometimes I am a complete airhead

Me: Hi pups! Time for lunch. Sit.

Emerson: *sits*

Selby: *sits*

Me: *dishes up food* Good dogs. *washes hands* *wanders around kitchen while leftovers microwave*

Emerson: Um. Mama?

Me: Why aren’t you eating lunch?

Selby: Yeah, about that.

Me: What?

Selby: You left our food dishes on the counter.

Me: *facepalm*

Emerson: It’s okay Mama. We still love you!

Selby: Speak for yourself.

**Original post from November 4, 2011

Wherein Emerson is foldable

Emerson: Mama, may I sleep on the bed until Papa comes home?

Me: I don’t mind, but I don’t know if there’s room. Selby is taking up almost the whole bed except for this tiny sliver of mattress which is just about big enough for the cat.

Emerson: I think I can make it. *defies laws of physics*

Me: Wow, I didn’t even know you could touch all four feet to your nose at the same time.

Emerson: Me neither.

Me: Is that even comfortable?

Emerson: *snore*

Me: I guess that’s a yes.

Apparently Emerson is foldable**Original post from October 31, 2011

A little privacy please

Me: Time to do some laundry. Oh, hello Sir Oliver.

Sir Oliver: EXCUSE ME, but I am trying to use the litter box in here.

Me: Well, I’m doing laundry. That is the purpose of the room you know.

Sir Oliver: That’s irrelevant. I don’t barge into the bathroom while you’re peeing and start talking to you, do I?

Me: Yes you do. Quite often actually. In fact, you just did that to me yesterday.

Sir Oliver: Well, that’s not the point.

Me: And what is the point exactly?

Sir Oliver: If you don’t know the answer to that question, then I’m not going to tell you. Now kindly get out of my way because I am late for an appointment with the window sill.

Ada’s Mother’s Day gift

Ada: Mom! Let me back inside please!

Ada’s Mom: Okay. *opens door*

Ada: I have a gift for you! Look, it’s perfect!

Ada’s Mom: EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! It’s a dead squirrel!!

Ada: I know, isn’t it fabulous? It’s even better than a live one because it’s SMELLY! I couldn’t believe my luck when I found it! Here you go Mom!

Ada’s Mom: Gross! I don’t want that!

Ada: But you always say it’s the thought that counts on Mother’s Day…

Ada’s Mom: Well it’s not Mother’s Day yet. That’s on Sunday.

Ada: Oh now I see. Maybe I can find a dead bird to go with it on Sunday then.

Inequity (cartoon)

Lord Dormir: Kari, we need to talk.Me: Sure. What's Up? -- Lord Dormir: All your cartoons are about the dogs. Where are all the cat cartoons? I mean, there are probably hundreds of people waiting to admire me. It's unfair.Me: Good point. What about you, Sir Oliver? -- Sir Oliver: As if I want a bunch of strangers staring at me.Me: What if I told you we're in a cartoon right now? -- Lord Dormir: WHAT?! I didn't even have time to fix my fur! -- Sir Oliver: *eyes widen in horror*Lord Dormir: *disappears off screen* -- Sir Oliver: *hides under table* -- Me: ...Me: You DO know they can still see you, right Sir Oliver? -- Lord Dormir: *appearing in the front of the panel* How YOU doin'? *wink*

Spontaneously Transporting Cats

Selby: Hi Mama! Welcome home!
Me: What are you doing outside? I left you in the house when I went out.
Selby: I wanted to go out so I let myself outside.
Me: And looks like you let the cats out too. You guys know you’re not supposed to go outside.
Lord Dormir: We couldn’t possibly be outside we were in the kitchen just a moment ago.
Me: Look around. You are definitely outside on the porch.
Lord Dormir: Well what do you know? We ARE outside.
Sir Oliver: OMG HOW DID WE GET OUTSIDE?! *scratches at door* Why won’t this door open? *scratchscratchscratch*
Lord Dormir: It must have been a spontaneous transportation event. We couldn’t have done it ourselves.
Sir Oliver: *scratchscratchscratch*
Lord Dormir: Try pushing with both front feet at the same time, like this *PUSH*
*door opens*
Me: You look like you’ve practiced that a lot.
Lord Dormir: I am an educated cat.

Goldilocks and the two dogs

Me: Time for me to go back to work. Selby, Emerson, into your kennels!
Emerson: Okay Mama. *galumphgalumphwhump*
Selby: Um.
Me: What’s wrong Selby?
Selby: Someone has been sleeping in my bed, and he’s still in it!
Lord Dormir: What? It’s not like you were using it.
Selby: That’s beside the point. You can sleep anywhere but I only have one kennel. If you don’t get out of my bed I’m coming in there with you.
Lord Dormir: I was just about to get up anyway.
Me: You are so weird.

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