Eleven Things About Us

Emerson: Mama tagged us in this thing she called a meme and now we all are supposed to write stuff about ourselves. This is not going to be easy. Because it is really hard to type with these big paws.
Selby: I think it is too much to expect us all to write 11 things about ourselves. Instead I think we should just take turns.
Lord Dormir: I agree, that seems the most reasonable way to do it.
Sir Oliver: Let me just state for the record that I am not excited about doing this.
Emerson: You are never excited about anything.

11 Random Things about us:

1. Emerson: I have this amazing, long, bushy tail that curls over my back like a sled dog’s tail. When I’m really excited I wag it in a circle. Mama says it is a dangerous weapon. Just because I accidentally thwacked her in the eye with it once. And sometimes sweep things off the table with it. Whatever.

2. Selby: Mama says I give really good hugs. And I always know when to give them, because I am sensitive and caring.

3. Lord Dormir: I used to be a bit on the plump side. Then Kari put me on a diet, and now she says I am too skinny. The woman cannot make up her mind.

4. Emerson: I almost died when I was 9-months-old. I was really sick and even went to the doctor for x-ray pictures and blood tests and stuff, but no one ever figured out what was wrong. My neck hurt and I couldn’t eat or drink anything and could barely walk too. They gave lots of different pills and made me stay in my kennel all day so I wouldn’t fall down and hurt myself. Mama cried a lot and worried about me. I couldn’t stand to see her so sad, so I just made myself better. We still don’t know why I was sick.

5. Lord Dormir: I almost died once too. I had crystals in my… well, let’s just say I really had to pee but I couldn’t. For a long long time. But the family was out of town so I just hid myself from the sitter until they came back. She was really worried too because she couldn’t find me anywhere and thought I had run away. Sorry about that; Amanda. Anyway, when Kari came home I stopped hiding and she took me to the doctor right away. They fixed me right up and I haven’t had any near-death experiences for years. I still feel bad for making Amanda worry so much, so whenever she comes over I make sure she has LOTS of chances to pet me. Petting me always makes people feel better.

6: Sir Oliver: I almost died once too.
Me: No you didn’t.
Sir Oliver: Yes I did.
Me: When?
Sir Oliver: Remember that time when I accidentally dipped my tail in oil and got it all over myself?
Me: Yes I remember that, but it was hardly a near-death experience.
Sir Oliver: You’re right. But after that happened, you…*shudder*…gave me a bath.
Me: A bath?
Sir Oliver: A BATH. It was the most hellacious experience of my life. Even worse than the time I snuck out of the house in the middle of winter and was gone overnight until you finally found me under the neighbor’s porch. That was a rough night, but that bath was definitely worse.
Selby: I KNOW! I don’t like baths either. The worst part is when my feet get wet. Ugh, it’s awful.
Me: Sometimes you are such babies.

7. Selby: I have never almost died as far as I know. Unless you count the time I went out in the backyard and found that HUUUUUUGE stick. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. But I didn’t. It was just really awesome.

8. Lord Dormir: I’ve heard that I make a better door than a window.
Sir Oliver: What the catnip does that mean?
Lord Dormir: I don’t really know, but that’s what Kari says to me anytime she’s reading or playing on her phone and I sit down on her chest.
Emerson: Oh yeah! She says that to me all the time too, but usually when she’s watching TV. Maybe it means that you don’t look good with curtains.
Lord Dormir: That can’t be it. I would look good in anything.
Emerson: Good point. I always look good too. I guess it is just one of life’s mysteries.

9. Sir Oliver: My middle initial is C. Ian says it stands for Cromwell. I have no idea what that means, except that I am the only one of the family pets with a middle name. Therefore I am very special.
Emerson: Mama says my middle name is Goofy.
Sir Oliver: I think she’s just teasing you. If it was really your middle name, then you would have a middle initial on your collar like I do.
Emerson: WHAT? Mama would NEVER tease me.
Sir Oliver: Alright, whatever you say. Then I am the only one in the family with a middle name AND a title.
Emerson: You’ve got me there.

10. Selby: I have a crooked toe on one of my feet because I broke it once when I was playing. Mama said I was so brave because I didn’t whine or anything. Just one little yelp when it broke. The doctor tried to put a splint on it but it just wouldn’t heal straight. So I guess it will just always be crooked.

11. Emerson: I had a huge tumor removed from my right elbow a while ago. But then after the surgery it was SO ITCHY I just couldn’t stop scratching and licking it when Mama and Papa and the kids weren’t looking so I had to have surgery AGAIN to put in stitches to hold it shut. And then I had to wear the Cone of Shame for like a year.
Me: It was only about two weeks. Just until I could take out the stitches.
Emerson: Close enough. When you’re a dog, two weeks feels like forever.

Now we answer the 11 questions Mama wrote:

1. In retrospect, what hair and/or fashion trend do you most regret following? Was it caught on film?

Lord Dormir: Oh I’ve got this one covered, guys. I still regret that hideous green-striped shirt Kari made me wear until she made me this much more flattering brown one. Unfortunately there is photographic evidence, only because I haven’t figured out how to delete it from Kari’s phone.
Emerson: You have no idea what hideous is until you have worn a Cone of Shame. I definitely regret the Cone of Shame.
Selby: Ugh. Yes, the Cone of Shame. I had to wear that a few times in my youth. I figured out how to make it break by crashing into doorways and tables and stuff, but Mama kept taping it back together and putting it on me again. So embarrassing.

2. What is the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? Did you like it?

Emerson: I like everything I eat. Last week I had a brussels sprout, and even that was good.

3. What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?

Selby: I would do my high-five trick I guess but you never share chocolate things with me.
Me: That’s because chocolate is very bad for dogs.
Selby: I think that’s just something people make up so they don’t have to share it with us.

4. Whistling: awesome or annoying?

Emerson: Definitely awesome. Usually a whistle means “come here and get treats” or get petted. Or both.
Selby: But sometimes it means “it’s time to go in your kennel because we’re going somewhere without you.”
Emerson: Good point. But I’m always willing to risk it any time there are potential treats involved.
Selby: Yeah, me too. And my kennel is pretty darned cozy with all the comfy pillows in it.

5. Rock climbing, deep-sea diving, or spelunking?

Sir Oliver: Well, obviously not deep-sea diving. I do like hiding inside of things, so spelunking might be ok. But sometimes caves are cold and wet, and I don’t like that. I also like being on top of stuff and being outside, so I guess I have to go with rock climbing.

6. Blanket Forts or Snow Forts? Explain.

Emerson: SNOW FORTS FTW!! Because they are made of SNOW of course! Duh!
Sir Oliver: No way. Blanket forts are the best. Because being under blankets is cozy and warm. Snow on the other hand is cold and wet.
Lord Dormir: Yes, definitely blanket forts. In addition to the warm and cozy factor, you are also more likely to be petted by a person inside a blanket fort.
Selby: Obviously I will have to side with Emerson on this one. As much as I love blankets, snow is manna from heaven. Snow forts are a Saint Bernard’s best friend.

7. Who would play you in the Lifetime TV Movie of your life?

Emerson: That guy who played Harry Potter because kids like him and he has dark hair like me. And also he’s probably the only one in the world besides me who knows how to deal with Dementors.
Selby: Betty White. She’s a funny and intelligent older lady just like me, and people love her. I hope to be just like her in two years when I’m 90!
Lord Dormir: Someone very handsome and and sophisticated.
Sir Oliver: I would never consent to have a movie made of my life. You’re lucky I’m even answering these questions.

8. Would you rather have a TARDIS or a time machine made out of DeLorean? (If you had to click either of these links, go to the back of the class)

Selby: Definitely a DeLorean time machine. I love car rides!
Emerson: I love car rides too. I have to go with the DeLorean too because you can’t even look out the windows of the TARDIS, and what fun is that?
Lord Dormir: You guys are crazy. Car rides are terrible. TARDIS is the way to go.
Sir Oliver: Plus, a TARDIS is bigger on the inside, so just imagine all the places you could hide in there!

9. Can you drive a stick shift without dropping the transmission on the road en-route?

Emerson: I don’t understand the question.
Selby: I think maybe she just threw this one in there to confuse us. But I generally like anything that has to do with sticks. Sticks are fun to chew on.

10. Which movie do you most wish you could un-see?

Emerson: Old Yeller. That was the saddest movie I have ever seen in my whole life.
Selby: You’re right that was a terrible ending.
Lord Dormir: Every movie I have ever seen was worth the effort because someone was petting me while I watching it.
Sir Oliver: I almost never watch movies. I don’t remember the last one I’ve seen.

11. DisneyWorld/DisneyLand: Magic Kingdom or Overrated?

Lord Dormir: Puh-lease. It is a kingdom ruled by a MOUSE. Overrated does not begin to describe it.
Emerson: I don’t know… I bet there’s lots of kids there to scratch behind our ears and drop food for us to eat. Sounds pretty darned magical to me.

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2 responses

  1. Holy crap. You are hysterical. And that is all.

    Like

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