Time
Me: Selby! Emerson! Time to come inside!
Emerson: Okay! I’m coming Mama! *gallumphgallumphgallumph*
Selby: Awwwww, five more minutes!
Me: Nope, it’s time for bed.
Selby: Alright FINE. But first I’m going to walk slowly over to the other side of the yard to chase that squirrel.
…THEN I’m going to run back over to this side of the yard & sniff this patch of grass right here.
…And THEN I will walk as slowly as I possibly can until I get to the door. So there.
**Original post from September 16, 2011
Accessorizing
Emerson: I’m so glad you have a job where you can come home for lunch, Mama!
Me: So am I. But I have to go back to work.
Emerson: You can take some of my fur with you to remember me! Black goes with everything. *rubrubrub*
Selby: Monochrome is so last season. Let’s add some white & brown. *rubrubrub*
Lord Dormir: You need an accent color. Have some orange. *rubrubrub*
Me: What about you, Sir Oliver?
Sir Oliver: It’s cold. I’m not coming out from under this blanket.
**Original post from September 14, 2011
Popcorn
Emerson: OMG what is that delightful smell?
Ian: It’s buttered popcorn.
Emerson: It looks delicious.
Ian: It is.
Emerson: It is polite to share, you know.
Ian: You can’t have any because it’s gone. But you can lick my fingers.
Emerson: Okay! *LICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICK*
*breathe* *LICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICK*
Ian: Jeez, aren’t you done yet?
Emerson: No, there are still a few molecules in the grooves of your fingerprints *LICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICKLICK* okay I’m done.
Sleepbarking
Emerson: ZzzzzzzBARK. What made that noise? Surely it was a monster. Don’t worry Mama I will protect you from the terrifying monsters! WOOFWOOFWOOF!
Me: Emerson, you made that noise. You barked in your sleep.
Emerson: That’s ridiculous. I know the sound of my own voice.
Me: It was definitely you.
Emerson: Oh.
Me: Yep.
Emerson: You’re going to put this on Facebook aren’t you?
Me: Absolutely.
Emerson: *sigh*
**Original post from September 11, 2011
NOTE: He totally did this again yesterday while the kids and I were watching TV. He continued to bark at nothing for several minutes after waking up. You know, just to make sure.
Trade secret
Lord Dormir: My sensors indicate that someone in this room is awake and is not currently petting a cat. I am here to remedy this grievous oversight.
Me: Thanks Lord Dormir. But how did you know? I didn’t even get out of bed or turn on the TV or anything!
Lord Dormir: Trade secret. If I told you, I could lose my license.
**Original post from September 4, 2011
Water Dog
Me: Hey guys! This is my friend’s Newfoundland puppy, Ada. She’s going to be staying with us for the weekend.
Emerson: That’s great! Hi Ada! We can play in the yard and nap in the living room and play in the yard some more and nap in the bedroom and then play in the yard again and then nap in the dining room! We’re going to have so much fun!
Ada: *sniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniffsniff*
Ian: You certainly are a sniffy dog, Ada!
Ada: There are a lot of smells in your house! *sniffsniffsniffsniff* I smell water! I LOVE water!
Emerson: I love water, too! *laplaplap*
Ada: That’s great – but this is the smallest pool I’ve ever seen! I can barely fit my front legs in it! I guess I’ll just spread the water on the floor & lay in it instead.
Emerson: Um… I meant I love to DRINK water.
Selby: *facepaw*
Ian: We’re going to need a lot more towels in here.
**Original post from August 27, 2011
